Hey cuties,
It’s been a quick minute since I attempted content creation in the video game sphere. I don’t feel like explaining what happened to me in 2024 since last we may have spoken. Trust me, it’s all boring and lame. Most of it involves doctors and hospitals and a lot of me bitching about insurance and contractors. The rest of it I am still trying to figure out with my therapist. And well, we don’t have time to unpack all that here.
So here’s just some minor highlights of 2024 –
- We (my partner/husband, Stix) attended our very first music festival out in Salt Lake City. I got to see LCD Soundsystem live finally after 14 years of hype, better yet I got to see my bois Vampire Weekend 3 times this year! Including a trip to NYC in October to see them at Madison Square Garden! TWICE!!
- Our apartment flooded! Thus we were displaced for most of Summer 2024. We got to live with my parents for 3 months (yay!) during which time I also broke my foot and was in a walking boot for the entirety of #renoera. New boot goofin’ for real. Echo, Stix and I are very grateful for the time we got to spend with my mother this summer. It ended up being a very special time for us and we will look back on it very fondly.
- I enjoyed several games! Including Ghost of Tsushima, and its DLC which I platted on lethal. Horizon Zero Dawn: Forbbian West, which I co-played with my best friend Richard, what an adventure it was to liberate Earth!
- And the huge new game – League of Legends. Which I have quickly become obsessed with. I am a seraphine main with a level ten mastery this season. nbd. in all seriousness, i have worked and want to continue to work on getting ranked as Adc/support.
right now, I want to carry the momentum I have with League into streaming. Because I do want to stream again. I loved streaming and the freedom it gave me to control a lot of aspects of my life. This past year, unfortunately, brought the brutal reminder of my own physical limitations that I am burdened by currently. Maybe forever. I am fortunate enough that I created a space where I can potentially spread my content to people who enjoy it enough to want to engage with it.
Will it stick? I don’t know. League is notoriously toxic, especially to women. And my experiences on Twitch have been basically all terrible, except for those small true glimmers of real deep love and friendship I found that made it all worth it. So, no, I don’t want the fear to stop me from doing something I love and have the means to do now.
Of course, there is still the matter of ‘The Last of Us’.
It can’t all be for nothing.
After everything we’ve been through.
After all of that, It just can’t all be for nothing.
The problem? – I have lost the passion I once felt for The Last of Us, and video games in general because of the negative environment created by the Twitch experience.
The plan? – Start streaming again with a focus on how to grow as a gamer and improve gaming skills using my journey as documentation of improvement with an emphasis on growth from practice and my own failure – while setting boundaries in that space for people to enjoy that type of content. And if people don’t enjoy my content they can leave 🤷 simple as that.
I didn’t come this far to disappoint myself now. But that doesn’t mean I won’t disappoint others as I try to figure out what I want from everything that happened to me in this extraordinary journey to where I am. I still don’t think I can fully explain where I am, or how I ended up here, or even what is expected from me. And I know I have disappointed people as much as they have disappointed me. But I won’t let that stop me from trying. again.
I want to encourage others in similar mindsets as myself and empower others to pursue what they are passionate about but too intimidated to try because of whatever they may have built up in their mind. Sometimes trying new things can be difficult, especially when there might be mental hurdles already in the way. Or worse someone may not feel supported in their pursuits.
Empowered in recovery, so others won’t have to suffer silently.
I hope through the content I make I can create the sort of space that would’ve helped me achieve my goals or supported me in whatever silly – or serious pursuit – I set out to do that week.
Video games can be overwhelming. Not only can they be difficult to understand, but the culture we’ve created around them is increasingly toxic and difficult to approach as a new player or even a mediocre player.
Trust me, I’m both. AND a woman.
I asked myself- Where do I want to be on New Year’s Eve NEXT year? And how can I set myself up for success? this small list is what i came up with in terms of content creation.
- LIVE STREAM ON TWITCH/YOUTUBE AT LEAST BI-WEEKLY LEAGUE GRIND/PERMA ATTEMPTS AS i CONTINUE TO WORK FOR THE FOLLOWING GOALS –
- Obtain ALL champions in League of Legends (BY USING AS LITTLE monetary SUPPORT AS POSSIBLE, AND THROUGH GRINDING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE)
- Win a PvP with ALL champions IN 2025 SEASON
- Climb ONE rank in the 2025 season
- Create video GAME tutorials to try and help newBIE gamers – in both League of LEGENDS & THE LAST OF US
- pOST 1ST PLAY THROUGH once A MONTH FOR A NEW GAME I WOULD LIKE TO TRY (AND potentially PLAT!)
- compete in last of us challenge run perma tournament on moderate – for fun & small introduction back to twitch community
- Work on getting grounded WHOLE GAME RUN IN TLOU for myself – will not submit to any list***
- Publish one update a week (no matter the length/content) ((have a set publish day for people to look forward to maybe?!))
- Re-open Esty shop by spring – revamped and better!
- CREATE A SPACE WHERE i FEEL COMFORTABLE TO POST MY CONTENT AGAIN WITH STRICTER BOUNDARIES, CLEARER GOALS AND BETTER OUTLOOK.
- Continue to check in with myself and keep my goals in check too ✍️
***ask me about it later
The answer to where I want to be felt too complicated to type out, or even expect myself to answer. So I decided to try and do what I inspired several others to do last year and document this experience as best I can. Just maybe I can inspire a few others along the way.
I invite others to watch me fail a million times in a million different ways trying to achieve my goals. It’s going to be comically bad most of the time as I struggle to learn something difficult that’s also completely new to me. I hope maybe you will join me for some small part of it. because it’s true what they say, anyone can cook and im so excited try this again.
‘You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true – anyone can cook… but only the fearless can be great.” – Gusteau
Josh Vallejo Content 